If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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