She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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