we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
