Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
did you just send me my own nude
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
