she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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