my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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