I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
