Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
