I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Randomize
