ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
