if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
