Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
