1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
