either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
