It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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