Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
That accounts for only three of the penises
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
