I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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