I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
