i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
