it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
