Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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