i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
we should paint friendship bongs
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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