i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
