i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
