so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
