i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize