We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
