better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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