YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Randomize
