Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
