so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
