I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
