ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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