im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
