he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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