Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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