the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize