im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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