I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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