I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
