i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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