I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
