His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
