My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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