I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
