Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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