Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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