I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
