please come you make the beer taste better
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
