apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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