it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
