I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
