I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
