He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize