dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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