I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
