I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Randomize
