My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Two words: blizzard sex
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
