i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
