I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
