found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
