could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
