Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Randomize
