Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
