I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
