I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
