Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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