I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
i've created a new STD.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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