If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
