fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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